a beautiful mind
“don’t shoot that boy down, he stays in the clouds”
Today I cleaned my desk. That might not sound like much, but it felt like a big deal. Cleaning has always been overwhelming for me. I tend to feel like I have to do everything at once or it is not even worth starting, so I end up doing nothing.
Earlier today at church I heard something that stuck with me: you have permission to start.
It is going to be messy. That is part of faith. That is part of trust.
So I kept it simple. I put on an album and told myself I would clean until it finished.
Whatever got done by the end would be enough.
The album was Father Figure by Jon Bellion.
While organizing my desk, I came across something I had not looked at in years: a VIP pass from when I saw Jon on The Human Condition Tour back in 2016 at The Fillmore in Silver Spring, Maryland.
A year earlier, I made a mashup of Bellion's song “Preoccupied” (feat. Blaque Keyz) and “10 Crack Commandments” by The Notorious B.I.G. I recorded it at my mom's house and uploaded it to SoundCloud. My friend Michell C. Clark posted it on his blog, Artistic Manifesto, and somehow it made its way into Bellion's Twitter mentions.
He listened to it, retweeted it, and showed love. I DM'd him to say thank you, and he replied saying he thought it was interesting how the keys lined up.
At the show, the VIP experience included an open rehearsal and a Q&A. I asked if he remembered the mashup. He said it was his favorite mashup of one of his songs. Then I told him I was the one who made it.
He laughed, showed love, and pointed over to his playback operator at the time, Mylon.
They had actually chopped the “one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine” count from
10 Crack Commandments because of the mashup and used it for during the show.
I remember standing (really jumping — this was before the surgery) in the crowd thinking,
I cannot believe this is happening.
Before I left the meet and greet, Jon told me something simple:
“You have an ear. Keep going.”
Now it is nearly ten years later.
Have I been as consistent as I would have liked? No.
But I have still done some really cool things with music and today, while cleaning my desk and listening to the same artist who told me to keep going, I found that VIP pass again and It felt like one of those moments where pieces from different parts of your life suddenly connect.
It reminded me that the dream has been real for a long time and it reminded me that I am stepping into a new chapter now. Letting go of control. Letting go of people pleasing. Choosing courage over certainty.
I am still here, still breathing
& that has to count for something.
So as the cloud continues to move,
I continue pursuit.
